Annnnnd... It's not always so good. Some nights I end up in Felix's car, crying out of frustration. Like last night.
Every figure was new, I was surrounded by champ dancers and their haughty tango faces, the studio was chaotic, my coach was frazzled after two weeks of judging comps, etc. I felt like the rookiest rookie. Was all of the practice for naught? Why did my balance suck so bad? Why were my arms flapping about like an old, dead weather balloon? Why was Felix looking so... NOVICE-ISH, and I appeared to be a newcomer? I even got sort of resentful of him for being more talented than me. For already having danced the figures that I was trying and failing to grasp. For standing there calmly during my half-joking outbursts and verbal sparring matches with coach. I may have even snapped at him for "manhandling" me during samba roll-outs.
I really hope he didn't understand that particular comment.
Feeling like facepalming right now, recalling how I crashed into my partner on several occasions. CRASHED, I say.
Note that this was only latin - I feel confident in my standard and rarely have problems with figures. ::crosses fingers, knocks on wood:: My frame is even starting to look accomplished. I guess I can take some comfort in that, but who knows? Maybe I'm overconfident, like I've apparently been all along. Feeling kind of vulnerable right now.
We have practice again tonight.
I think everybody has great days and terrible days. Just try to remember that even though the terrible days feel bad, you still learn stuff. It might not feel like you're accomplishing anything, but you have to trudge through that plateau to get to the next one. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteTry not to let them get you down? I don't think you're overconfident, but you might be too hard on yourself. It's okay to not learn new things immediately. If everything in dancing came to you without any struggle, would you still love to dance?
You're right, struggle is part of the fulfilling nature of any beloved pursuit... But it's hard to struggle while being the lagging half of a team of two that have to work together to get anything done. The comparison is just too easy to make, and we weren't struggling together.
ReplyDeleteI just need to be less fickle, grumperiffic and mood-tacular. More open to relatively-okayness, instead of expecting everything to be either superawesome or lame.
:D :D