Ridiculous Mornings

I have been sharing my office with a high-ranking executive, as the facade of the building is being ripped down and rebuilt.

A very awkweird thing happened today.  I was minding my business, drinking my coffee, listening to some jams, getting some tasks completed, when I laughed at something stupid and inhaled quite a large swallow of coffee.

Now, in this moment, there were only two thoughts in my mind:  1)  MUST COUGH and 2) MUST SWALLOW, as I still had a gulp in my mouth.  My body was just trying to keep itself alive, and there would soon be no way to hold back the frantic choking and hacking.  I did the only thing I could do.

With a horrible gag and a mighty, disgusting-sounding, swishy gurgle, I spat the coffee in my mouth back into my mug (and all over myself, as I was spasming with suppressed, earth-shaking coughs) and then proceeded to cough like...  Like a tidal wave of burning coffee had just inundated my upper airways.

Meanwhile, my poor colleague thought I had barfed on myself and then proceeded straight into death throes.  He leaped up, ran over to my desk, and frantically shouted, "WHAT IS HAPPENING!  WHAT IS HAPPENING!  SAY SOMETHING, SHINSEIKO!  Do you need the heimlich?!  Nod if you need the heimlich!" as the tears and coffee drips rolled down my face.

As I sat gasping, I couldn't help but continuously loop the stupid noise I'd made when I'd first started choking, in the slow, unsuspecting silence of a happy office morning.  It had been ridiculous.

Summer Lovelies

More and more, I am toying with the idea of only writing my thoughts by hand.  I want to share, but the internet never forgets, and the NSA touches a whopping 1.6% of all internet traffic.  And why do I want to share?  To shock you?  To impress you?  Does it have nothing to do with you at all?  All of the above plus more?  Probably.

I had a beautiful week of vacation in the mountains of northern Quebec and came home to lovely mountains of work.  I say "lovely" because there is nothing more lovely than a mountain of work that I find interesting and fun to complete.  There is no better day than a day full of intellectual tasks, laughing with colleagues, enjoying simple things like observing funny dancing old men in the metro, eating local spun honey, talking amiably with my boss for hours about science-fiction.  A day of not enough work is not worth my time.  I swear to you that I truly feel that my work is my escape, that I often feel more exhausted after a day of simplicity than of "running around," meeting deadlines, communicating, even failing repeatedly and trying again.

I have also been pondering often the idea of a childfree lifestyle vs. parenthood.  I flip flop often, but more and more, I am coming to the conclusion that my spouse and I may not be as happy as parents.  Maybe much less happy.  I ask myself if this is okay.  I think it is.  I am more and more willing to accept "missing out" on whatever it is that everybody tells me I'm missing out on in favor of not finding out.  I think I will find not finding out to my taste.  Not like I have to decide now or anything, just some ponderating.

Life has been simple and enjoyable recently, and I'm not sure why.  Our new house feels like always being on vacation; so sunny and beautiful, full of the things I find worthy and soothing.  Every morning is full of light.  On the weekends, we jog together along the canal and watch the boats traverse the locks, and then we buy our week's worth of fruits and vegetables from the farmer's market - Ontario plums and Quebec watermelon, cucumbers and sweet corn.

On the advice of a dear friend, I have joined her story club, and I'm finding it surprisingly inspiring.  I wrote a horror piece about dimensions splitting and splitting again, and a young man loses/finds his soul.  For this month, I can't decide on whether to submit my in-progress love story or my ghost story.

All of the above pictures were taken by my sister during our trip last week, near Percé, Québec.

Progress

Progress

Mutemath

Pulling your confidence through

Some courage is well overdue 

 I believe solely in all your promise

Why waste a second in doubt

You could be helping you out

Keeping your head in the clear

Like an instrument for a song

Like the sun for tomorrow's dawn

Every moment of time is just an answer to find -

What you're here for, what you breathe for

What you wake for, what you bleed for 

Everyone's counting on you

Say for yourself what to do

Life is a card that you lay down sometimes

To search for the best way of all

Is finding the best way to fall

 Keeping your head in the clear

Every moment of time is just an answer to find

What you're here for, what you breathe for

What you wake for, what you bleed for

What you hope for, what you live for