Amish Ponderings

For the thesis for one of my bachelor's degrees, I did qualitative and quantitative studies on messages in Amish publications.  If you know me well, you will also know that I have been utterly and completely fascinated with the Amish since I was very young, for some deep and disturbing reasons.  You will also know that I was raised Catholic and attended a private Catholic high school.  I am familiar with the bible and advanced Christian tenets and have actively rejected the style of Catholicism upheld by the Pope and clergy as ethically corrupt (not to mention any version of Christianity less liberal than Episcopalian, which is toeing the line).  I rather prefer my mother's inclusive, all-loving brand myself.

That being said, I've been rereading all of the fascinating textbooks, studies and books of memoirs that I've collected over the years on Amish culture, religion and practices.  I've finally put my finger on what disturbs and attracts me so much about the Amish, and why I keep coming back to this particular group to study and mull over.

Before I keep going, if you haven't heard of this before, here are Kohlberg's Stages of Ethical Development.

I don't hesitate to reject social norms and laws, to discard religion and to be completely unafraid of threats of societal or spiritual punishment if any of their bases violate my internal principles of human equality.  This puts me somewhere around Stage 5/6.  Most people spend their lives around Stage 4, but some never progress beyond Stage 2.  Based on my experience, most religion holds adherents at 4, through fear and promises.  Any belief system that uses fear as a tool to control fundamentally opposes my internal principles of love, acceptance, equality and freedom.  Fear is worse than pain, worse than physical suffering.  Any "god" whose teachings can in any way place any creature's essence (a soul, which I firmly believe in) into a state of eternal suffering is a false god, a crass, base social tool created by humanity to keep people fixed in lower stages of ethical development in line with the rest of society.  Unfortunately, it also gives these people the same tool, with which, if they gain societal power, they can use to overpower others.

The root of Amish life can be found in the word Gelassenheit, which means, more or less, submission.  They submit to god, to each other, to all things that their society deems "worldly."  Conflicts are "solved" through avoidance.  Instead of focusing on individual fulfillment, fulfillment comes through the community after the abandonment of self and of the outside world.  Their governing systems are both authoritarian and decentralized, to react swiftly at a local level.  They believe that their way of submission/rejection of societal values like boldness, individualism and personal development is much more difficult than any other way of life, that it is a sacrifice.

Unfortunately, individuals aren't given a choice.  They are kept in ignorance of the machinations of their society and follow/submit blindly, or risk being shunned in all ways; familial, spiritual, societal.  They don't have the education or experience to easily adapt to the outside world, another massive control tool exploited by this way of life.  The result is a kind, gentle, generous, quiet, simple, community-focused group...  Stuck at stage 3, forbidden to express individual will or a desire to personally effect any changes upon the world.

But a sacrifice?  Can one sacrifice without understanding what they are sacrificing?  Can one be forced to sacrifice without pondering deeply and reflexively of the ramifications of such?  It's easy to "submit" to the rules and norms of one's society/religion.  It's the easiest thing we can do, because to fight the pressure means to fight society itself...  And our society's definition of god.

I feel that it is much more difficult, painful and beautiful to take it all in, to have complete freedom and unbridled access to knowledge, to explore, to lose and find oneself again and again, and then discover deep, personal reasons to personally embrace principles of love, community, simplicity and nonviolence.  Claw your way from your box, be hurt, be rejected.  Then, embrace a fresh perspective and know instead of follow.  We are intelligent, active beings infinitely capable of love, pleasure and joy.  Is there a reason to limit our personal growth, to stunt our capacities for these lovely things?

Yes.  Unfortunately, the majority of people don't have the fortitude, the reflexive natures or the will to explore, learn, understand and then reject for the good of all.

I had big plans...

For this blog, including a makeover featuring custom graphics by yours truly.  That was before I raced through four books by Ilona Andrews in two weeks.  ::headdesk::

I just finished up my 2nd week of six of Intermediate French at McGill University.  It felt like two days.  I can't believe that 1/3 of this insane class (and about 50% of the entire degree) is already behind me.  Soon, I will be clutching the certificate in one paw with a cold, frosted bottle of Fumées Blanches in the other and a pile of job offers in my inbox.  Chin chin!

On another note, I keep my Facebook friendlist cropped short at all times, and yet it seems to me as if at least 80% of all of the women I know in committed relationships with a male between ages 23 and 33 are preggers or postpartum at the moment.  I'm feeling kind of left out of all of the congratulatory messages such as "soon, the real work will start!" and "I LOVE the name you chose; Barbados Elrond is so original!" and my personal fave, "only 24 months till his first poo-painting episode; cherish these final days!"

Three hours of dancing this morning.  Felix and I were in the middle of a practice at Conseil des Arts when our coach called and said that he'd been waiting on us for 15 minutes at the studio...  We'd forgotten all about our lesson!  So we booked it to Des Ormeaux and commenced to dance until our feet fell off.  It was a nice feeling and spawned a lovely nap fraught with green tree shadows and warm breezes (I had the bedroom window open).  I worked for a few hours, did plenty of weekend chores and ate brownies that Caspian made.  I find it amazing that he managed to pull himself away from his 60-hour workweek and the lure of Diablo III to create them.

I will put up a picture of our container garden, which Caspian finished planting earlier this morning!  All of our seedlings were successful...  Until yesterday, when Kiska decided that spinach seedlings would make an excellent evening snack and mowed them down.  They are pretty much decimated, but they may bounce back yet.

Je suis à toi.

There is nothing like the heavy, still air before an impending thunderstorm and the dusk light filtering through new leaves.

It is springtime in Montréal, and I am content.  Everything is full and lush again, the sky is that fake-looking 8-bit blue and to sit in French class for six hours a day practicing l'imparfait on the 13th floor of a high rise downtown is pure delight.

To walk home through the bustling city, passing beautiful people of all colors speaking languages of all sorts and enter my cool, quiet little bastion of me...  It's so wonderful.  My little moments of envying my old acquaintances from school their big homes and children and established lives fade into distant memory.  I'm here, but I could up and bust off to Europe or Japan at any moment!  I'm studying diligently, speaking every day with clients spread across the globe.  I can call myself 'fonctionnel' en français and not be lying.  My free time is spent with books and jogging and with my husband.  There's a little boutique down the street whose proprietor knows me by name, asks me for fashion insight and offers me discounts on all the new summer lines just to keep me coming back.  Our little seedlings are ready to be planted this weekend.

Pooh-Pooh to You, Too

I am totally in a bad mood for a dumb reason.

Today was my first day of Intermediate I, and, sadly, I am not the best and brightest student in the class.  Nope, there are six others out of twenty who surpass me in French skills, and possibly education - one in particular has my competitive nature chomping at the bit.  At least we have some new blood and I don't have to be completely irritated at my lackey classmates anymore.  I met my first Americans at McGill University in my new class, and they are quite cool.  Good representation; plenty of tattoos and PhDs.

It also sucks because today was a Perfect Day.  There aren't many Perfect Days in a year, and they should be appreciated.  Luckily, yesterday was one, and I ran about 6k in Westmount south of Ste Catherine, which I've never visited before and loved.  Today...  Was so perfect that it just made my day even worse.  Mocking me with its beauty and all that.  Poking nosy little sunbeams into every crevice of my baby bad mood.  Some corners should just stay shadowed.

Tomorrow will be rainy and I will be avenged!  Take that, sunshine.  I hope chill, seeping spears pierce your brightest places and infuse you with gray.  Damn fine alliteration and assonance.  I am going to wear black and I don't care if it's spring.

I'm Late Late Late

Despite posting what I have deemed rather antisocial rantings and/or self-doubting analyses that I often regret later but leave up because they perfectly captured one of my priceless moods (heck, maybe I'm even more likely to learn from my mistakes if they sting a bit?), a snarky, funny, sweet, surprising buddy of mine hath blesseth me..eth...  With the...  (will I ever rid mythelf of thith lithp?)

As tickled and surprised as I was, I'm confused as to who to pass this award on to, as the few blogs I read are also innermost thoughts, unsearchable via Google, anonymous and very private.  I will have to think long and hard about it, since it's a social award and I have such an itty bitty readership (who probably only come back because it's fun to roll eyes at the crazies).

So, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all y'all (raised in the south!) who keep coming back for more of this stuff, as weird, overblown, dreamy or ranty as it may be!  Visit Martine, too.  She's awesome and her name will likely be a fantasy buzzword in the near future.

Part Deux:  Now I have to post 10 things you may not know about me.  Heh heh heh.  I think you probably know everything about me, especially if you've followed me through all my drama at the previous iteration of this blog (over 650 posts, I think?).  ::deep breath::

1. I can't stand it when things "run low," even if I have replacements handy.  That last, tiny glorb of toothpaste lurking in the tube?  My nemesis.  Those few, final drops of dish soap in the bottle?  Enemy mine (good movie).  If I had no ethics and was a creature of pure desire, I would only use 3/4ths of everything and discard the rest.
2. There is nothing grosser to me than spit.  I hate other people's spit.  Kitty cat eye boogies is a close second.
3. I used to have tons of piercings, but as I got older, they disappeared one by one, and now I'm left with a hole in each ear and one in my bellybutton.
4. I have a very large tattoo (that covers most of my upper back, but I despise tattoos on men.  Complete turn-off.
5. I was "valedictorian" of my graduating class (grad school).
6. I received several Fs in high school.  ::smirk::
7. I have only killed one animal willfully, and it was a minnow.  I was a child and wanted to see its insides.  The memory continues to disturb me.
8. When I was around 13 or 14, I was the best piano player in my state for my age group.
9. I have an undying fascination with marshmallows.  A bag of little fruity marshmallows would be an appreciated gift for any occasion.
10. I think Billy Crudup and Andrej Pejic are two of the most beautiful dudes on the planet; as for ladies, I'd pick Delphine Chanéac and Claire Forlani.